We all occupy roles in our lives. We are fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters. We grow up performing these roles. You are born a son, you build relationships with peers, maybe you'll have children to then become a grandfather or grandmother. And so, these roles get hard-wired into our minds. We learn how to behave, what is expected from us and what to expect from others depending on which role we occupy at any given time and it takes no effort to exercise them, we do it on auto-pilot.
Family provides the foundations for our socialization (It's our primary group). It creates the model under which we will base all our future interactions. As we grow older, our universe expands giving place to secondary socialization groups such as friends, educators, acquaintances, mentors and/or supervisors. They all share a basic structure and MO (modus operandi). That structure is based on authority/power and the way we deal with it will be primarily based on our first experiences (within our families); and to a lesser extent (but by no means unimportant) on our interactions with the aforementioned secondary groups of socialization. In other words, since the moment we are born we get conditioned to operate within an authority matrix.
Now let's simplify things a bit. Let's assume that authority is a status (something topic) and power a force (something dynamic). When applied to people we get two possible movements -vertical and horizontal- and three possible configurations - you are either above, below or at the same level than someone. Now, extrapolating theory to practice we should be able to identify these movements and configurations in our workplaces.
Have you ever experienced or heard someone saying "My boss treats me like (or as if I were) her son"? Have you ever found yourself adopting a "sibling stance" towards your boss? Have you ever patronized a subordinate? These are the dynamics we were talking about just a moment ago. We reproduce our past experiences and internalized roles in the relationships we develop while at work. We do it unconsciously and we tend to reproduce this behaviors wherever we go, and unless we become aware of this we'll adopt the same roles over and over again in job after job because it's just the way we were configured (and this is not a passive process, it's interactive) to be.
For the past couple of years I've worked with tens of Residential Counselors (who work with an adolescent population), and you know which ones are the best at what they do? You are right, those who have children. It's easier for them because they've learned how to position themselves when dealing with clients, and they do it effortlessly (most of them without even knowing how they accomplish it). You know which ones struggle the most? You are right again, younger people who don't have kids. Why? Because they are very experienced at being "sons or daughters" but they don't exactly know how to assume an authority role. If you become a manager at a relatively young age you'd better be very well aware of this dynamics because otherwise, making some decisions will be a painful experience (specially when you have to say "no" to older people).
As with most things in life, knowing where you stand gives you one half of the solution. The other half is up to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment